damn unpretty

I’ve been in a mood again, kinda just reached my limit of socializing. But also I’ve been really nostalgic and thinking about the relationships I’ve given energy in recent years vs. relationships I’ve really valued and treasured. I feel like once shit started really hitting the fan and I had to find myself again I kept the important people far away from the process or as far as I could.. now that I’ve felt more of myself I’m finding that the relationships I promoted are not the ones I really want to be involved in anymore and it’s harder for me to just walk back into the old ones without wanting to give an explanation. I’ll figure it out.
Other than that I watched Malcolm & Marie (without falling asleep) and cried for at least an hour straight. Also, O text me during and said he wanted to watch it with me… I cried more and said that wouldn’t be a good idea. It’s not even that the movie really triggered me about him but about relationships in general and how I don’t even want to be there in that position feeling hurt like that. But it also reminded me that with O things are not ever that bad. We don’t have real problems, I speak on my insecurities, he pushes it to the side I get over it. Not that that is the most healthy way to handle my emotions but it does work for us, I don’t harbor negative feelings about how our situations are handled EXCEPT that one time but it wasn’t just an us thing.
I’m also super sad because my 30 balls of yarn hasn’t arrived and Fedex told me it would be delivered by Feb5, and I check fedex today and it says usps will deliver the package but NO NEW TRACKING NUMBER. I just want to make a large project I just saw this cute sweater (!) and I want to make it!

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