I feel like I’ve spent so much time trying to fade away, trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible, being super basic, super quiet, sometimes unfriendly. I think once I hit my lowest I just needed to take a step back from the life I was living but I retreated so much that I don’t know.. I feel like I’m depriving myself. That I’m purposely punishing myself for having gotten to that point. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I thought If I don’t draw attention, if I don’t try to stand out, if I’m not seen no one will find out how deeply disturbed I am. Now, I think I’ve done a lot of healing that I am no where near where I was, and that this should be celebrated and shown off and exposed. But I don’t know where to start. I’ve been thinking of slowly incorporating things back into my life. But I’m also thinking of doing other things that I wouldn’t have done even before I tried to hide myself away. I know currently I’m in a pretty deep down swing. I’ve been snapping, and not really taking care of myself, drinking more. I have a few days off coming up and I can’t wait to climb out and begin doing things that will make me feel fulfilled. Not hidden, not shrunk, not afraid.

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