balloon + knife

I know it’s me, it’s always me. I do this every time. I just expect and project disappointment.
My automatic response to anything is to be disappointed.
and so I am.
A part of me is justifying this and saying it’s happening because deep down it’s not right.
A part of me thinks I’m more afraid that it might be right, than I am running away from it because it’s wrong.
The me that will be ok no matter what thinks I’m overthinking and nothing of my feelings are real anyway.

How did I get here? Not even enough time has passed for me to care. Why do I dive so deep into anything I feel? why can’t I just have baby feelings first?
This is so dumb all of it and talking about it now, and ever having talked about it.
I’m over everything.

let the air out.

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