cocktails.

sometimes I hate the internet.
It really bugs me sometimes when I see posts about how “the bar is set so low” or people having low standards because they are impressed by some behavior or something. I feel like its all a matter of privilege and circumstance. I’m not accustomed to a partner doing everything for me, thats not how I grew up or what I saw or what I expect. this isn’t all on the internet either. For Example, I was at a friends house and I’d ordered take-out for us and it arrived and I was going to go get the food from the delivery driver, and my friend stopped me and said “what are you doing? all these men in here one of them will go get it” and one did go get it but I felt like I’d done something wrong or offensive in a way? Not that my friend was mad at me for assuming I should be the one to get the food I ordered but I felt out of line like “we don’t do that here” kinda thing that I should’ve known better… And then I see on the internet people genuinely excited and amused by something simple their partner did and complete strangers saying “the bar is in hell
like… damn.
Can I not have my own feelings and expectations and things I see as luxuries to me? I don’t have the privilege of expectations from a man, I do for myself.. all these ideas of what a man should be and what he should do and what you can rely on him for are so foreign to me. Am I missing something? Is it written down somewhere where the bar should be? a clear list of what the bare minimum is and at what point it is reached and surpassed?
The internet sometimes makes me feel really alone as if I’m the only one like me, the majority got the memo and I missed it, I’m late, I got handmedowns and I’m hitting puberty late again. Am I not demanding enough? Am I behind with the capabilities? Am I even hitting the bar? What’s expected of a woman? Why do boys not give me things? Do I do enough? Where’s the bar?

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