leaving needing

for some reason the guilt that has obligated me to act in so many different ways is fading. I do not feel bad for things I once felt bad for, I think I feel less for others’ feelings towards me.
I’m hesitant to speak on everything because I guess I don’t really want to lose some of the few relationships I value but I feel like I’ve also lost the value in them..
I’ll have to talk about it, it’ll be the only way to salvage or end the friendship.
It’s weird because I really don’t care which way it goes. I have made a point not to rely or need anyone.. It’s been a mission and at times a battle, but knowing the lows I’ve felt losing someone whether it be to death or distance, or a break up is just not worth having ties to people. Maybe I’ve become incentive, made I’ve become emotionally distant and careless but I’d rather that then cling to anyone; I run from attachment. But this isn’t just trying to keep a boundary this is..
fading of a friendship. I’m not running but everything says just let it go, I’m always trying to find a way out of plans, I’m always dreading hanging out, and it’s not the person exactly, I like them.. we’re friends! But the attitude that I MUST hang out, and the entitlement they feel towards me “I’m coming to your house” “You can’t kick us out” …. I just.. want to be left alone. The more I feel my alone time is being taken by this someone the more negatively I’ll feel about this whole thing.

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