feel it all

I am immersing myself in movies.
Hopefully there is enough fake drama there to hold me over.

I feel like I should’ve seen this low swing coming, just based off of my behaviors in the weeks leading up. I feel like I’ve learned myself well enough to notice the warning signs. But there really weren’t many this time, in hindsight I see them, they were subtle and swift. I guess I assumed it was all because of quitting cigarettes and it could be, but this is a familiar place. I know what could help bring me out of this mood but I don’t have motivation, or energy yet. It isn’t as dire to make myself feel differently.

Without Covid, I would’ve pushed myself, forced myself to fake some aura of collectedness, something normal, something expected of me. But because I don’t have to fake it, I kind of actually just marinate in the mood. Feel myself out. And it’s helped.