do you ever make it up

I’m SO SO SO annoying. I want to hold myself to things but I change my mind so quickly.
I’m back to where I was mentally a few months? weeks? ago. But I’m happy I’m going to really start my unemployed life again. and things will settle down soon.

I feel like I cannot get a hold of my thoughts, like again I’ve been over extending myself. My phone is off today.. I kinda decided I don’t want to see O for his birthday.. I just think I need some distance becauseee I’m fickle. I’ll explain my position on things when I have it fully formed. But other than being fickle, I just do not want to drink. the world is closed there is nothing to do but drink I’m over it.

Anyway, plans for today because I have been a big time slacker: Fold my laundry, Braid my hair, Maybe cut Chanels hair. I FINALLY.. have logged in with the cable provider on Starz and HBO so I will be consumed all day. I’ll try to go today and maybe tomorrow or a few days without turning my phone on. I want to avoid social media and communication. I just need to really listen to myself and what my brain and body and heart are saying they need and want. Because I was up until 6am I couldn’t get comfortable sleeping, I had on the AC and the Heater at the same time, I ate at 5am, and still rolled around in bed for an hour. And I still woke up at noon. I’m going to have a “morning” tea and maybe get some reading done.

P.S. I think these masks are making me grind my teeth real bad. So I also want to avoid going out and having to wear them.

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