try to keep up

Well, although this site is a little complex for me, I have returned.

Honestly I haven’t done much talking to anyone lately, there’s just nothing going on. I don’t get as excited or as down as I use to, I’m just kind of in a limbo of content.

I have a few little things I’ve kept to myself, so that I hold myself accountable. I’ve pretty much quit smoking cigarettes. It sounds dumb to even say now because I don’t think about them. I’ve had only 3 cigarettes since the 11th of Dec. The three that I have had have been in drunk/stressed times when someone else was smoking around me. more relevant the reason I stopped; For a while the cigs weren’t hitting the same, I felt groggy, I felt depleted. And then, I was feeling chest pains. And, then random pains through out my body. I’m not saying cigarettes were the cause of any of this but if I could do anything to try to improve my health that was step number one. Step two, was cutting back on drinking. I used to drink almost every night. Yes, life this year has taken away the opportunities I had before but, I drink once or twice a week and its usually only if I see O. I also cut back on caffeine, I try to drink tea instead of coffee now, and somedays I will function without either. These changes have unfortunately impacted my sleep. I feel like it is getting better now but initially I would only sleep 4 hours a day. It was brutal.

Other than that, nothing is going on with me. I don’t have much to say outwardly, but I am shocked by the information that comes to me, the people who confide in me and miss me, its … unexpected, and sometimes I feel undeserving. So in all my silence and nothingness I’m working on being intentional when I touch peoples lives or form bonds; I truly don’t think I understand my impact on others. So I want to be a better me: healthy, deliberate, aware. Sometimes you have to step back to see the whole picture; I’m maintaining distance so I can see the true depths.

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